If I could do anything. If I could be anyone. If I could do anything this very moment with my life-what would I do?
I would redefine the word “overwhelm”. In a positive sense, in the most beautifully positive and impactful way possible. Because if I could find a way to put it into words and describe it, it might just describe the way I feel this very moment. I wonder if the way I feel could ever fit into one word-but I’ll try.
I am overwhelmed. If that’s the word that could describe it-at the massive amount of people who have reached out to me to tell me that they support me, they love me-that they want me to carry on.
I am overwhelmed in many ways-and I’m uncertain of how to express or what to ask for. But I think I need your help, your patience and your understanding as I figure that out.
Due to the size and undertaking of this trip and the recent impact it has had not only on the breast cancer community-but for victims of sexual assault-I am beyond overwhelmed. So I have to ask- please forgive me if I don’t know what to say. Forgive me if I don’t know how to act. In a time where so much has happened to me- I’m just trying to absorb all the good and I don’t know how that is manifesting, or looks, or is different than what it looked like before.
When I see a familiar face or someone that loves me-I don’t want what happened to me be to be the thing I see in their eyes or feel in their arms when they hold me.
Tomorrow I’m getting in my boat. And when I get into the sleeping cabin to chart my course I could choose to remember the horrific thing that happened to me. I could make that choice. Or, I could choose to remember the beautiful nights I’ve looked up at a massive amount of stars that I ever knew existed. In silence, in beauty, alone, safe and humbled. I could choose to remember the nights I fell asleep after meeting survivors and supporters from all over the country-who met me, fed me, hugged me, loved me-before I stepped into Liv to rest my mind and body each night. Each beautiful night, for weeks on end.
I could focus on the overwhelming outpour of support that has come my way since I was in this boat. Since black chalk lined the cabin and doors to take finger prints from someone who took away a moment of my life I never want to re-live.
I could focus on those few terrible moments. I could let those few minutes take away more seconds, more minutes, more days and weeks and years of my life. But I won’t. Why? Because I have a choice.
And I choose to get in that boat with a smile on my face tomorrow morning. I choose to row-proudly for something I believe in. To keep moving. To get back to Chicago and celebrate the lives we’ve changed, will change-and continue to inspire others by finishing what I started.
Thank you for overwhelming me. I could not be more hopeful and excited about all that’s ahead.
I’ve said it once, I’ve said it twice-and I’ll say it again with more confidence beaming from every syllable than ever before…
I’VE GOT THIS.